...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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