so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You ruined the universe
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
