eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
