Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
