so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
