my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The uberlube is also flammable
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
