just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
