It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
