I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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