I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
