Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
