I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
