your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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