either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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