toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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