I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
