i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
