I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
