The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
