that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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