youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
