Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
