and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
