Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
