You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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