I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
