He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
