I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
