"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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