I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize