you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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