i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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