At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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