Jerry, you need to find god
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
