i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
