just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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