The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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