I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
