these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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