Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
