No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
