If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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