my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
MIDGETS
????
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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