his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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