Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found your dick twin last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
