You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
jump out the window naked night went bad
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