I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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