I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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