My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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