i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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