that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
