I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
