Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
