there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
