Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
