I'm lost and stupid without you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
