I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just pee around me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
do nipples grow back?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
