He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
