I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
