They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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