You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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