I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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