I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
