so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
