just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
