Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
